A cookbook author was recently heard on public radio gushing about a local restaurant that does “beehyoooootifullll things with bayyykin.”

Have you ever noticed that cookbook authors and public radio speakers (both hosts and guests) have a great deal in common when it comes to descriptions and pronunciations? The first requirement is hyperbole.  The second is that a great deal of words must be used to say next to nothing.

Throughout my years of listening to public radio I have identified a few key phrases for anyone looking to get into the business. It is my contention that one cannot pass the test to go on the radio as either a public radio host/guest or a cookbook author without employing these phrases, preferably layered one upon another.

Sort of
This very
Very sort of
Beeyoooootifullll
Kind of
Nearly anything ending in “y” or “ly”
[various ooh and aah exclamations]

A perfect audition sentence would be, “It’s this beautiful, this very sort of…um…I don’t know, just oh! so yummy bit of yummy, creamy goodness with this kind of crunchy, sort of crumbly finish to it.”